Dear Diary

Dear Fibro…we started a new job

Dear Fibro,

You know that this is such an important time in my life as I start work again. Two years ago I gave up my job and went back to university to retrain to be a Social Worker. You took so much control at times that I wondered whether I’d done it all for nothing. Would I get to the end of the course? And if I did, would I be able to hold down a job or would you get in the way?

Well I did get to the end of the course and it was my biggest achievement. I had a full-time job lined up and spent the summer relocating for it. But during that time between finishing my studies and starting the job I got more and more nervous about how it would go. I knew it would be a huge adjustment for my body as I had been completely out of a routine. I had got used to doing things on my own schedule, and now I would have to work to someone else’s.

Having completed 7 days of my new job, I have a few questions for you:

dear fibromyalgia - we started a new job

Where were the nerves?

Perhaps it is just the result of medication, but I don’t think so. I think you’ve actually taught me something Fibro. I think you’ve taught me that things will be out of my control and there’s nothing I can do about that. And so why waste time on the worry? I really have no choice but to roll with whatever life throws my way.

Whenever people would ask me how I felt about starting the job I’d hear myself saying ‘yeah I feel ok really. It’s happening isn’t it so we’ll just see how it goes’. And it wasn’t a front. I believed those words. Maybe through you I am beginning to change,  relax and become more resilient.

Quote from Eckhart Tolle on The Power of Now

Are we working together?

I think perhaps we’re beginning to listen to one another and understand each other better.

I’ve been trying my best to feed you nutritious foods and keep to more regular sleeping hours. I’ve been treating you to long soaks in the bath. I’ve really been trying to listen to what you need, pacing myself and resting when I feel I need it outside of working hours. I’m not always the best at these things, but I’ve really been trying and have made some improvements.

You know this is so important to me and maybe as I’ve been nice to you, you’ve been nice to me. Perhaps you’ve given me a break and allowed me to ease into my new role quite smoothly so far. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still there. I still feel pain, fatigue, brain fog and the many symptoms you like to throw my way, but still at their ‘normal’ levels. I haven’t had the flare up I feared I would.

I’m not naive enough to think you’re not coming – we’ll always have our ups and downs. But for now I thank you for letting me have this time to adjust.

Chloe

x

2 thoughts on “Dear Fibro…we started a new job

  1. Dear Chloe,

    I also have FM (11 yrs now) and it has controlled my life for those 11 yrs. I can not work (I too am petrified of the flares) but have recently moved into a house by myself, broke off a bad relationship, began taking Pilates lessons again, and am actively looking for a church to join.

    I’m trying to roll with it as you are (it isn’t easy) and was given hope and comfort in reading your story of returning to school and a full time job. This illness can make you feel very alone sometimes so thank you for sharing and I wish you all the luck and “spoons” (I’m sure you know the “Spoon Theory?) in the world!

    God Bless,

    Cyndi

    1. Hi Cyndi,

      Thanks so much for commenting. You’ve taken so many big steps in your life recently but it sounds like it’s been a lot of good change. I do hope you’re getting on well.

      It’s lovely to hear you found some comfort in reading the post. I try to tell myself I can’t let my illness take everything away from me, but you must know as well as I do that we’re not always in control! I do know the spoon theory and hoping you’re finding the spoons to embrace your new life x

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